The Speech So Good That Labor Mps Used It Twice

The Age

Wednesday October 15, 2008

Suzanne Carbone, Lorna Edwards

DIARY is constantly inspired by the originality of thought when Meddlers of Parliament rise to their feet to waffle on about a matter of major importance. Take Labor's MP for Preston, Robin Scott (below top), in the lower house on October 7, tackling a scam involving the sale of electrolyser kits that supposedly increase fuel efficiency: "Of course you can burn hydrogen because it is combustible, and you can burn it in an internal combustion engine." A day later, Labor's upper house MP for Northern Metropolitan, Nazih Elasmar, OAM (below bottom), tackled gas energy appliances: "Of course you can burn hydrogen because it is combustible, and you can burn it in an internal combustion engine." Sounds familiar. Back to Scott: "The problem is that it takes more energy to electrolyse hydrogen from water than the energy you receive upon burning it." Elasmar: "The problem is that it takes more energy to electrolyse hydrogen from water than the energy you receive upon burning it." No wonder there's a hole in the ozone layer when MPs are full of recycled hot air. Scott: "The process is simply a scam that relies on people's fears about rising fuel prices to squeeze money for a useless product." Elasmar: "The process is simply a scam that relies on people's fears blah, blah, blah." Terrible about those scams, never mind plagiarism, but Elasmar's spokeslady said: "Nazih and Robin share the same electorate and it is more effective to raise a serious matter of protection for consumers in both houses." Elasmar, a former teacher and mayor of Darebin, lists one of his hobbies as reading. We didn't know it was other people's speeches.

True stories

THERE was high drama at the Sisters in Crime Davitt Awards for best novel at the Celtic Club when a guest fainted in the toilets and hit her head. To the rescue were writers Katherine Howell, a former ambulance officer, and Robin Bowles, a former nurse. Bowles watched over the patient while Howell dashed back to the room in time to win the Davitt for her debut novel Frantic, which happens to feature a paramedic. With other guests being forensic pathologist Dr Shelley Robertson, Assistant Police Commissioner Sandra Nicholson and judge Liz Gaynor, one of the sisters noted: "If the young woman had been unfortunate enough to not survive, we could have organised an autopsy, investigation and legal proceedings without any of us leaving the room."

Bubbling along

MR PANTS Down, Todd McKenney, shuffles into court today to face drugs charges after his night out on the town, but the cast of Priscilla is rooting for him. As an opening-night treat in Syd-Vegas on Saturday, Todd, who frocks up as Tick, handed each cast member, including the oft-forgotten chorus, a bottle of Moet. What a great guy! No, make that the ant's pants!

Making cents

CUSTOMERS love hearing from their bank, especially a bloke named John who was informed by an NAB staffer: "Just a quick email letting you know that the above account is overdrawn, just a fraction, being $1.27." Loyal and dutiful John was right on to it, depositing $2 and responding: "The global financial disaster has hit banks hard, particularly the NAB, but gee a $1.27 call-up - that's something else." Every penny helps.

Up, up and away

TIMES are tough everywhere. The cost of obtaining a security clearance from the Australian Federal Police has risen from $32.73 (make that $32.75 with rounding) to $43. "First rise since the GST," a spokesman said. If only everyone had been that thoughtful.

Feeling green

DEFENCE force troops at St Kilda Road's Victoria Barracks are in for a big Oktoberfest Friday with two knees-ups planned. There's a German buffet from 1200 to 1600, conveniently on taxpayers' time, then a German feast from 1800 to 2400 featuring slap dancers and fancy-dress prizes. The flyer reads: "Attend both functions for $50 per head and save $10." The festivities are organised by the officers' mess. That's mess for messy. Tank for tanked.

No.1 spot

THE "Longer-lasting sex" billboard has been dis-erected from the West Gate Freeway overpass at Altona and in its place is Shane Jacobson flogging workwear as Kenny. The slogan: "Everything else is number two." Dunny man is funny man.

Calendar capers

FOLLOWING on from the action-packed month of Ocsober, Walktober and Rocktober, reader Jim Furness is competing in the Australian Veterans Open Table Tennis Championships in WA and suggests they be renamed Ping pongtober. And Gerry Lonergan suggests Procrastination Month for May, and the time to take a break from being a yes-man or woman is No-vember (beats those naff moustaches we have to endure).

Six times lucky

THEY'RE still sports mad about those Games. Reader Jeff Watson photographed this bus (below) in Hangzhou, China, near the Six Harmony Pagoda, adorned with six Olympic rings. For better harmony? Better feng shui? Maybe the 2008 organising committee ordered too much paint.

CONTACT

LORNA EDWARDS 9601 2629 ledwards@theage.com.au

SUZANNE CARBONE 9601 3192 scarbone@theage.com.au

http://blogs.theage.com.au/limelight/

Fax: 9601 2327

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